Mostly Mr. Hyde
I am so prone to despair
that when I heard the news
of my acquaintance’s death
all I could do
was fantasize
and indulge
in the ecstasy
of the horror
and the hope
of the pipe dream
that should literally,
any, of my loved ones
also leave this earth
it might just drive me
to take my own life;
but for my own sake
and especially for the ones
who have never given up
on us: outcasts like me labor,
vigilant because
even when the urges come,
we won’t allow ourselves to cut
… though we can’t help but linger
over violent thoughts where
in madness (and as I type this),
Mr. Hyde anxiously awaits
to tear ripe meat
from the brittle boned:
from the well-intentioned
and helpless
… yet in all of this
the only appeal in passing
is the numbing of the ache.
no one really wants to die.
we all just want to live
less miserable
and more endearing lives.
About Mostly Mr. Hyde
Despite my highs and lows, I’m actually doing exceptionally well right now. This poem was written when I was struggling.
“Mostly Mr. Hyde” is about my depression and anger management issues, which sometimes cause me to emotionally lash out at my loved ones. I recently started therapy so I can learn better ways to cope. I’m trying to be less negative and more in control. However, I also know that I should give myself credit for the good I do each day – and you should too.
I was recently reminded that I don’t have to accept that life will always be a challenge. I can think positively and not just on social media or when I’m with my friends. High self-esteem is a possibility if I only just work on it. I’ve already come so far.