Transformed and Vulnerable
life doesn’t wait
(so participate).
apologize, compromise;
ostracized & unwise: struggle
through those despondent days.
life couldn’t wait
for me to lose weight
to drop the ice cream
for snapshots w/ Morrissey,
torments then transient
as time:
before I found faith
before you lost health
before we knew death
(so as Nielsen suggests);
sow your open chest
w/ seeds of love & ambition
so that you may one day be:
transformed and vulnerable.
About Transformed and Vulnerable
In a 1954 interview with journalist, Ray Josephs, renowned poet, Robert Frost, declared, “In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on.” I’ve learned that this is true of all life including my own (despite that sometimes we can all become negligent of what is going on around us).
Some things require certain timing but I’m learning to become increasingly open with my feelings and honest with myself. Acknowledging one’s addictions and seeking help are the first steps toward recovery.
For instance, I’ve struggled with a binge-eating disorder for many years, and it wasn’t until recently that I’ve been able to admit that my problem is an extremely serious one. I’m still coping but will be having further conversations with my doctors.
Ultimately, however, I know that I am in control of my actions. I’ve always struggled to maintain a healthy weight and often have feelings of low self-worth because I typically don’t feel that I am living a good life (or that I am even capable of maintaining a stable job or serious relationship).
While we all perceive worth differently, I know that happiness will be found within me. I strongly agree with Theodore Roosevelt’s statement that “comparison is the thief of joy.”
I could harshly blame myself for not having done more to change my circumstances, but I believe that it’s best to learn from the past, not to linger on it. It’s been a slow and arduous process, but I’ve made progress throughout the years and I’m proud of the person I am.
Despite knowing that there are things I need to work on, I’m proud of my accomplishments; I’m proud of the friends I have, the path I’ve chosen, and the life I live. Still, there is so much I’d like to achieve.
I know that if I do my best to take small steps forward while remaining positive, I will continue to make progress (and that you can do the same).
In a previous HubPages article, I also discussed what it has been like to live with severe OCD.
In time, the symptoms related to my obsessive-compulsive disorder seem to have gotten worse. For example, my habits are disruptive and have affected the way I write and organize. Throughout the years, the way I walk has even changed. I toe walk while carefully avoiding cracks, tiles and objects on the ground that may be moved, like mats.
Lately, I’ve put some thought into how I can change many of these habits. Mindfulness and remaining calm even when I am distressed are important if I wish to ultimately change my lifestyle. No change will happen immediately, however. Like many others, I’ve waited to feel motivated only to never take action. Instead, I must simply act. In doing so, motivation will come naturally.
- In “Pull the Thorns From Your Heart,” James Nielsen of the band, Senses Fail, sings:
- “Devastated by shame; I was so entrenched in pain. I found that hell is the absence of loving self.”