In the poem, Nightmare of You, I explore what it was like to have unhealthily obsessed over what could and should have been after a breakup. Since having formed my website and other blogs, I’ve posted similar articles about what it was like to have ruminated over past mistakes.
In time, I’ve learned to forgive myself and accept my imperfections. For instance, I no longer obsess over my appearance like when I was a teenager. In ten years, a lot can change, even if gradually. While I can be stubborn, I treat others with respect and compassion and berate myself less over honest mistakes than I used to.
However, I sometimes fear that my past will come back to haunt me. I never want to be viewed as who I was, but instead as who I am today. I think far too much about this! Still, Nightmare of You entertains these ruminations.
Nightmare of You
she approached me in a dream
among prospering violet & evergreen
gardens: amidst the swaying cherry blossom
trees: where I always envisioned
us to be; the scent
of her rosy, lightly freckled
porcelain skin
was just as I remembered.
she kissed me on the cheek
with tender, gloss-covered
lips: before resting her head on my
shoulder. I felt anxious as I knew I would
for she glistened under the splendor of her bright blues.
I admitted that I had been thinking of her too
but a ghost’s words are seldom true;
a siren’s eyes are never the brightest blue.
yet still would I
rather die with you
with hands entwined
& the taste of your
saccharine-sweet
vanilla perfume:
than face reality.
I won’t make it on my own.
oh lover, never let me go.
I need you to feel (alone).
Accepting Change Can Be Difficult
Nightmare of You was composed in my early twenties. However, I recently updated the composition to elaborate on the sentiment that there are some individuals who will stay with us – in our hearts and minds – for as long as we live.
It isn’t always easy to accept the past or to move on. This can apply to any relationship or to any of life’s situations. Yet I partially agree with the cliché saying that time heals all wounds. Scars are eventually formed and even the most difficult things tend to become easier to cope with in time.
I suffer from some unresolved trauma, as so many or perhaps literally all of us do. My nightmares and the dreams I wish I could never wake up from served as inspiration for this poem. Its content draws inspiration from multiple sources.
Importantly, Nightmare of You reflects my state of mind at the time of its initial composition. In time, I’ve found closure and would never desire to portray any person in a negative manner. I’m truly proud of this piece.
In “A Pair of Blue Eyes,” Brandon Reilly of the band, Nightmare of You, sings:
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- “Oh, what a pair of eyes! Sadder than blue. Richer than blood. Deeper than truth. I cursed. I prayed. I prayed, and then I cursed some more.”