Catching Feelings
she gave permission:
honeyed hands;
persistence
beneath
inviting sheets:
souls entwined;
kaleidoscope release
where disgust
mingles with lust
in shackles so sweet
yet now,
she escapes me
in leisurely, indulgent
binges
and crowds of three:
an online
equestrian
semblance
for all to see
as I conjure her
unabashedly,
in tears; forever.
sickly lingering
over thoughts
that give me the creeps.
About Catching Feelings
Catching Feelings concerns my own insecurities. It captures the ways I felt upon having discovered that my exes were posting or selling pornography online. In particular, this poem draws mostly from experiences I had during a relationship that was extremely toxic.
I am not a particularly jealous person by any means, and I would never judge or berate anyone for their personal choices, but for many, there is a psychological element involved when those that we once called “our own” give themselves to others (even if not in a directly physical way).
I believe that romantic jealousy stems from the real or perceived threat that we will no longer live up to the sexual or emotional needs of our partners (or previous partners). Seeing or even just picturing someone you cared for, being intimate with another, can certainly bring about unwanted feelings or memories.
For just about my entire adult life, I’ve done my best to put my ego aside. We can’t change others and we can’t go back in time. However, we can always work toward removing our attachment to the pain.
