Pursuit of Perfection
my mind plays tricks on me:
slaving over some standard
I can never achieve. it’s true!
and all too believable. I am
obsessive and compulsive.
insert the expletive! ’cause I too
avoid pairing certain words together
or fonts with asymmetrical letters.
I am improving and I am proud
though nonetheless never allowed
to make mistakes: to face the object
the other way. expletive! cut your ties
with the hostile nature of a pursuit
so hypocritical yet so dedicated
to the idea that you are the only one
you can never love.
About Pursuit of Perfection
No two people with obsessive compulsive disorder have identical symptoms. Most have irrational fears of germs and illness, persistent intrusive thoughts, unwanted behaviors (repetitions), or some combination of these.
In my life, each of these symptoms manifested from a young age. My OCD has caused me to have taboo and intrusive, oftentimes sexual and violent thoughts. For these reasons and others, I’ve struggled with my self-image and have viewed myself as a “monster.”
I’ve come to realize, however, that we are not simply our thoughts. I also know that no matter how hard I work to make things “symmetrical,” I will never be happy if I aim for perfection. I’ve thus learned to take things one step at a time, and in recent years, have done my best to lose judgment toward those who do things differently than me.
- I do not have to dust the same day that I notice dust on the shelf. When this happens, it is not urgent, so I can wait until I am more comfortable to get the job done.
- I do not have to and probably should not organize my partner’s side of the room, even when I want to, because I don’t want to infringe on her space.
These are some of the many things I’ve learned to tell myself.
