From Protecting My Peace to Reconciling with My Dad

No Longer the Villain

Father, // you are no longer the villain // or the man I once loathed: // wishing for gouged-out eyes // when you’d explicitly // kiss my mother // in the aisle of the toy store.

so, in response // to our once Sisyphean relationship, // Bill asked whether // I could live with myself, // should I ever // reject you completely.

he still recommends, highly, // that I communicate openly // & shape boundaries // (molded in self-esteem), // both of which // I’ve been weak to do.

yet in revelation, // tentative but time-approved, // I acknowledge how we’ve changed – // & your devotion // to me, // to the family surrounding you.

I’m no longer the incessant burden // or an obligation to pursue; // dear Dad, // let’s stomp on neglect // like asphalt // beneath the heels of our shoes. // let’s start anew.

do you remember the young boy // who longed for closeness: // who held you earnestly // like a locket // stitched together // with tape & glue?

Father, // you are no longer the villain. // we are anew.

About No Longer the Villain

No Longer the Villain was composed during the summer of 2026. It spawned from the thought that I should write poems dedicated to loved ones – happy poems about friends and family, and even some that reference the positive ways my doctors have affected me.

This project is still in motion. Having already written some – mostly – negative poems about my dad, I was immediately inspired to write No Longer the Villain.

When I wrote the short story, Compassion as Our Guide, I was still skeptical of our relationship; I had hope. Now, I am even less skeptical.

Reconciling with my father took 33 years, until my current age. The process was arduous, and I often felt that for as long as I lived, we might never maintain a healthy relationship. At times, it was hard to just be civil.

For me, the tough part was knowing whether I should have continued to protect my peace or whether I should have attempted to mend our relationship to begin with. Setting boundaries and communicating has become just as much my responsibility as it has his.

Ultimately, as No Longer the Villain asserts, I decided that I would rather keep in contact with my father than distance myself from him completely. I want my dad to meet my partner, Heidi. I want to make even more memories with him and to be a part of his life.

I realized that I could protect my peace while doing all of these things. Not everyone in similar situations can.

And honestly? I’ve made – and continue to make – mistakes too. Huge ones. I have no right to demonize my dad for his past actions and when no one is perfect. I’m glad I’m on this path.

Furthermore, my upcoming album, Untangled & Soil-Fed consists of lyrics taken from No Longer the Villain.

As the 5th track on disc 2 of the LP, it represents one of the album’s thematic turning points – most of which are in the second half. It also highlights one of many positive changes to have occurred over the course of my entire life.